I GOT NOTHIN’

Hmmm? 6:01 p.m. and I am still here, half in the bag from the bottomless martini of which I was determined to find the bottom, and I am not sure if I am pissed off or relieved. All this hype, all this preparation…and for what? I’m still here and so is everyone I know. And I am forced to wonder about the company I keep if only the chosen were taken and everyone I know was left behind.

I started my day after having slept late—a waste of valuable time if there ever was one on this, our last day on earth—but was well rested for the days activities. Walk the dog. Check! Brush my teeth. Check! Make a cocktail to end all cocktails. Check! And wait…and wait…and nothing!

Damn those religious fanatics that got me all worked up. They have done it again, used fear mongering as a way to get attention and a voice. Curse them! I don’t know why I should be surprised. This is what they do when they burn the Koran. This is what they do when they espouse that gay people are damned to hell and that AIDS is God’s vindication. And it goes on. This is just another in a long line of publicity stunts to get the world riled and frenzied with the end result being, of course, nothing.

But I have to tell you, it got me to thinking. Would I have been one of the chosen ones? Did my life amount to a culmination of more good than evil. Well, I will be the first to admit, I do love a good evil streak, practical joke and bitching rapier wit. But is that really a bad thing? I firmly believe that some well-placed sarcasm snaps its recipient back to reality. Thus I have done ‘good’ with my ‘bad’. And that is what I love about the nuances of life: that sometimes you have to be bad to be good. The religious right, for all their preaching and superiority, do it all the time. Imagine, there was talk about protests at the funeral of Elizabeth Taylor because of her support of gay people and AIDS related causes. Did they really think that was a good thing? Or was it a bad thing that got them a good result? Ironically the only time we hear from the religious right is when they are doing something fundamentally anti-social for the presumed betterment of society. And no one sees the hypocrisy in that?!?! Really!?! In the list of naughty or nice…is hypocrisy a sin? If so, then bless me father for I have sinned. Yes I admit it…but I don’t follow it up with stating that I am still better than everyone else for having done it.

If you are setting yourself up as the arbiter of all things holier-than-thou, than you should lead by example. The religious right are made up of humans…with the same frailties and hypocritical inclinations that I have when I am doing bad for good. That doesn’t make them the chosen ones. That makes them just like everyone else. So shut the f**k up about being the chosen ones and superior. Because as I stand here at 6:01 on the day that all those superior, holier-than-thou, types should have been taken to their just reward; it turns out, their just reward was to sit their fat asses back down and realize they are no better than the rest of us sinners. Perhaps we are all living in a collective hell and my punishment, and the punishment for those like me, is to have to live side by side with those who think their better than me.

So be it. I can tough it out. Because I can hate the sin and love the sinner. ER…but…maybe not in this case. Let’s face it, they promised us a party. And what did we get? A reality check.

What was it that Auntie Mame said? “Life is a buffet and so many poor bastards are starving!” Or something to that effect. And that is what the religious right is all about starving the poor bastard out of living life. Well, I say belly up to the buffet and eat like there’s no tomorrow, you never know when its going to be the end of days. Or do we? I’ve just been told that the next end of days celebration is already on the books! Everyone restock the bar and mark your calendar its 12:00PM Friday, December 21st, 2012. Really?