Are these the end of days? Could it have all lead to this? Well if so, I am willing to share (as there are very few people left to insult in such a short amount of time) my hopes, dreams and wishes as well as the unfulfilled desires—which still could happen in the days left. Let’s face it what do I have to lose?
1. I would like to slap someone in the face in Paris. I know it seems a little severe but there is something so dramatic and Parisian about the whole thing. So what the hell?
2. I would like to let President(s) Bush know exactly what I think of them. Not that there is anyway to change the past...and presumptively there is no future…so let me sum it up with a pithy: “You fucker! (that’s to B2) Did you really have to screw up the last days, for the majority of us, as scary and uncertain? You made the rich richer (not that they can take it with them either) and hurt the masses on both an intellectual and emotional level. I know Crawford gets hot…but it’s nothing like your inevitable time in hell!”
3. I would like to shoot Dick Cheney in the face (purely by accident) during an illegal (meaning un-permitted) hunting trip…just to see if I too could get away with it.
4. I would like to take all my gay friends to Buckingham Palace and have the party to end all parties with QE2…called the “Reigning Queens Rave”. During that party, I want to open the vaults and try on the jewelry. Let’s face it, we’ve all played with the family jewels but how often to you get to fondle the royal jewels. “Is that a scepter in your pocket…or are you just happy to see me?”
5. I want to open the art vaults underneath the Vatican and see what they have been hiding. Could it be looted Nazi treasures? Whatever they’re hiding I want to see. Hypocrisy revealed…
6. I would like to be nominated for a Pulitzer, a Nobel, an Emmy and an Oscar. I don’t have to win because according to everyone, ‘It is just an honor to be nominated.’ Further, I would like anyone who has been nominated to state categorically that’s bullshit!
7. I would like to speak at least 8 languages fluently. Not that it would matter for the time left on earth—even though I just got my passport renewed—but you never know who you will be sitting next to on the bus to the ‘Pearly Gates’. (Let’s hope it’s not the short bus!)
8. I would never want to spend another moment in the gym and wish on their dying breaths that scientists around the world will admit that junk food and a Botticelli figure were not only healthy but also desirable.
9. I would like to die…at the moment of rapture…choking on a brownie. Yes I know that seems a bit unorthodox but I am hoping a big chunk is caught in my throat and that I can cough up on the other side and forever have my favorite food to snack on. Is that too much to ask for?
10. And then I would like to be slid in a drawer next to Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson. Can you imagine what we will gossip about for all eternity?
1. I would like to slap someone in the face in Paris. I know it seems a little severe but there is something so dramatic and Parisian about the whole thing. So what the hell?
2. I would like to let President(s) Bush know exactly what I think of them. Not that there is anyway to change the past...and presumptively there is no future…so let me sum it up with a pithy: “You fucker! (that’s to B2) Did you really have to screw up the last days, for the majority of us, as scary and uncertain? You made the rich richer (not that they can take it with them either) and hurt the masses on both an intellectual and emotional level. I know Crawford gets hot…but it’s nothing like your inevitable time in hell!”
3. I would like to shoot Dick Cheney in the face (purely by accident) during an illegal (meaning un-permitted) hunting trip…just to see if I too could get away with it.
4. I would like to take all my gay friends to Buckingham Palace and have the party to end all parties with QE2…called the “Reigning Queens Rave”. During that party, I want to open the vaults and try on the jewelry. Let’s face it, we’ve all played with the family jewels but how often to you get to fondle the royal jewels. “Is that a scepter in your pocket…or are you just happy to see me?”
5. I want to open the art vaults underneath the Vatican and see what they have been hiding. Could it be looted Nazi treasures? Whatever they’re hiding I want to see. Hypocrisy revealed…
6. I would like to be nominated for a Pulitzer, a Nobel, an Emmy and an Oscar. I don’t have to win because according to everyone, ‘It is just an honor to be nominated.’ Further, I would like anyone who has been nominated to state categorically that’s bullshit!
7. I would like to speak at least 8 languages fluently. Not that it would matter for the time left on earth—even though I just got my passport renewed—but you never know who you will be sitting next to on the bus to the ‘Pearly Gates’. (Let’s hope it’s not the short bus!)
8. I would never want to spend another moment in the gym and wish on their dying breaths that scientists around the world will admit that junk food and a Botticelli figure were not only healthy but also desirable.
9. I would like to die…at the moment of rapture…choking on a brownie. Yes I know that seems a bit unorthodox but I am hoping a big chunk is caught in my throat and that I can cough up on the other side and forever have my favorite food to snack on. Is that too much to ask for?
10. And then I would like to be slid in a drawer next to Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson. Can you imagine what we will gossip about for all eternity?
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